November 2, 2007
boston. drove here yesterday from philly with everything we own strategically tetris-ed into my nissan murano. it’s tough tetris-ing your life into your car. you thought you could fit everything. you thought you could bring everything you thought you needed for philly into not philly. but you don’t know what you’ll need in not philly, it’s so vast. and so you edit. you tetris. you cross your fingers and hope for an L-shaped bag to fit into that place in between your books and your cookware but realize that unfortunately, all your bags are mostly capital-less l-shapes, yet paradoxically, when packed together, your life seems to be a sentence. and you hope that the sleeping bags can smush into whatever ever nook or cranny that is left from trying to squeeze the printer and the guitar into one space unsuccessfully. and so you give the printer to a passer by on the street who mutters he just threw away one just like it due to incompatibility and you say fucking take it bitch, and he does, and you feel philanthropic with a touch of gangsta. you try to force the shoes you never wear into a black hole in between the constellation of bags full of miscellaneous crap which you also never used, but it’s yours, it’s all you have and so you do your best roundhouse kick and get it the fuck deeper inside, where it’ll be safe and secure god dammit. you fall to the ground out of dizziness because although you’re asian you can’t fucking do a roundhouse kick. you stand on the street, next to your life in your backseat and you make crunch time decisions. the microwave goes. the ramen stays. what? the lawn chair goes even though you read pinker and krakauer on it. you stuff your car to the rim with your life and realize you don’t have much of a life and that makes you happier than peanut butter on your balls provided the dog you meant to entice isn’t a biter. you can’t believe that your whole life can fit in your car and that half of it is shit sprinkled with corn. you realize how much you need the needless. you jump in your life and drive it crazy, and you never look back, because you can’t. because your life is blocking you. literally, if only my life was see through. and so you go forth. like the jews in the old testament, like the very first americans who were british, like every go forther who went forther and forther making way for other would be go forthers, all of us, forthing without backing. just doing it. putting fear into your gas tank you are driven. you have to be because you’re homeless and being driven is all you have left.