funny looking [ryan]

.                                        wards,
sometimes I float up

in the middle of a conversation

and watch myself being watched

by myself;

listening to my

self listening;

distancing

my self from

my self in order

to be closer to

my non-self;

i am nodding, saying uh-huh,

i am not there at

all

i hear other voices, other dooms,

i am talking while talking;

another voice tries to talk over me in my head

i can hear the narrator from my biographical documentary

being taped years from now

speaking about me like I’m dead

because I am.

and then suddenly

whatever I was saying

and to whomever I was saying it-

all of it seems so

very small and unnecessary;

funny looking.